ANOTHER IDIOT FOR PRESIDENT

So today as I waited for 3pm so that I could embark on my show, I was chatting with an old friend with whom I had the great good fortune of schooling in St. Mary's Yala. Okay here's the thing, after lunch I'm more often than not terribly useless because I tend eat Ugali like a construction worker, and end up sitting around like a bloody python trying to recover before I look like a bloated fool for all to see. Well today was one such day, and it was so bad that my pal could tell even through chat that I was a fine mess. So in an attempt to jump start my otherwise dead brain he asked me, in jest of course, when I would announce I was running for president? At this point, I ask you not to shudder because, I am not running for presidency. That would be disastrous I know. But I thought about it, and sad as it may be, it is becoming increasingly easy for anybody who is bored, with an acceptable level of stupidity to declare their interest in running for elective office. Enter Upper stage right, Kingwa Kamencu

And you would think such a day would have trembled to begin. There I was seated in my living room feeling well pleased with myself for not having done anything overtly stupid that day. The universe was working as it ought :) I then decided to watch the news, because I knew even the terrible grammatical standards to which Kenyans are subjected by reason of the poor lexical density of our anchors and reporters could not dampen my spirits. Then it happened.

Kingwa Kamencu came to my screen and a part of me died! She basically sat there and despite the twaddle that came out of her mouth as she moved her lips and punctuated it with sobs, all I heard was this:

Dear Kenyans, please forget the fact that I know nothing about politics or governance, please do not consider that I studied literature at UON and my attempts to construct a sentence in English will make you want to vomit, please forget the fact that despite me taking African Studies at Oxford, my attempts to speak in Swahili will actually make you vomit, do not be too concerned about the fact that my crying lends credibility to the stereotype that women are a weaker sex.
Ignore all this and vote for me because I labor under the illusion that I have a dashing smile and the passion of a campus student leader and this should land me the gig if the world is a fair place.

It was at that point that I turned off my telly, called it an early night knowing that despite my earlier cheery self, I had lost the will to live